One Year

Death.
It’s so final. We are left heartbroken as we figure out how to keep going. We hold onto smells, sounds, voices, and any sort of anything to grasp at something.
The tears feel like they will never end and the nights can be especially long. Hell, the days are too for that matter.
Everything moves in slow motion.
Then come the firsts… the first holidays, birthdays, events that you spend without that person. Another sharp reminder in the heart.
But you move along because that is what is expected even though you do not feel like you can.
You do.
And then comes along the first anniversary of when your heart broke.
One year.
And it all comes back. Not that it really left you but it takes on a meaning of time.
Yesterday, I went to buy plants to start our little garden for the year. There were moments when I felt strong and others where I just wanted to curl up and cry. The pain may not be as sharp but it’s there.
I turned the soil over while the sun beat down. It was as beautiful as the day I first woke up without you. It seemed so unfair then and still does. The kids played in the yard. Did you ever notice that hope can sound like kids laughter?
The ground was finally ready and I added in the plants that hopefully will bring some wonderful things.. My son added in his flower plants he got from a school event. We stepped back and smiled. I hope somehow you were there with us. We miss you and do this because we do.
One year.
Bloom as if someone is still with you.

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