I’m sorry for eating your cookies and leaving mostly crumbs on the plate. I also finished the milk too. Damn kids ate all of the chicken nuggets tonight leaving this poor mama starving. Last year, after not getting the nanny and personal chef I wrote to you about, I realized I better send some other suggestions.
In the hopes that you will take pity on me, here is what I really want this Christmas.
- SLEEP. Real sleep. Not the lay my head down and the baby wakes me up ten minutes later with the crying. I want to hit my head on the pillow and not lift it until 6 hours later. Please show me miracles can happen.
- On that note, I need eye cream that really works. Again, miracles.
- A day where “No” is not the most frequently used word in our house. Somehow my kids will not throw a tantrum because they didn’t get what they want or that something didn’t go their way. Can you wave some kind of Santa dust down and turn them into smiling little happy people? Kind of like elves. Why yes mommy, I would love some more broccoli! Yes mommy, I will put on my shoes right now! Yes mommy, I am ready to leave. Save some of the magic for my other half too. Yes honey, I CAN take out the garbage AND rub your shoulders. I will also put the kids to bed while you sit on the couch and DO NOTHING.
- Toys for my kids that do not require batteries, directions, or ninja skills to break it out of the packaging.
- Send an elf to be the chauffeur. Play dates, sports, school. My life is spent in a car. If you can’t send a driver, maybe a new car? Red would be great. The other soccer parents will be so jealous.
- Skinny Jeans. I have high hopes, Santa.
- One night of doing homework without it turning into a scary zone of tears and breakdowns (and that’s just me falling apart). In other words, maybe leave a book that will teach second grade math?
- Dare I ask for a maid? I have been extra good! Just think of how someone else doing the laundry and cleaning would help me to be a better person.
- A babysitter! Imagine a night out dressed in clothes without spit up. A movie can be watched that is R rated while eating something that absolutely does not have to be shared with any toddler staring with puppy dog eyes.
- More chicken nuggets. Maybe getting at least one thing on this list is possible.
Join me on Facebook so you don’t miss out on any of the fun!